Notes From The Tour

Friday, 6 September 2019


or The Adventures of Woody and Friends - An overview and observation of the team who toured Wiltshire & Somerset in September by Keith Talbot

Cast List

The Scouser - Phil Williamson (Captain)      

The Lawman (Lime & Water) Keith Talbot (VC)

Woody - President Ian Wood                

Tarzipan / Gusset - Peter Ward

Santa - Dave Wilkins                          

Harry Potter - Ian Potter

Silverback - Joe Angella                             

Larry the Lamb - Andy Lamb

The Sandman - Gary Hann                              

Jay-Z / Speedy - Richard Jays

Multi-colour Man - Mitch Clark                             

Peter Pan - Brian Street

The English Patient - Neil Smith                               

Big Andy - Andy Plowright

Del-boy - Derek May                             

Captain Sensible - Nigel Wates

Day 1 - Evening

Arrived at New Forest Lodge hotel to be greeted enthusiastically by owner Dee, who appeared to be doing everything himself

Several of party head straight for the pub, 100 yds up the road

Dee alerts V/C Keith and Harry Potter that there is a car unlocked with its boot wide open. Clubs in back and phone in front plus empty Presidential chain box.  It’s Woody’s

At pub, all going well until Derek appears to have wet himself. Supposedly an un-named person spilt beer on him. He retires to dry out and is not seen again. (Pictures are available)

Santa demonstrates how to drink continuously with only short pauses to speak. He must have a bladder the size of Lake Windermere!

Some fool engages Joe in a political discussion

Against the odds, Harry manages the kitty extremely well

Day 2 - Morning

Team rises early to wave Dee’s 2 boys off to school on their first day. Dee panicking until his wife returns from school run to help

Drive to Dudsbury – a pleasant trip though costly for one or two of our faster colleagues. They will be returning to Hampshire at a future date!

Captain announced 4 groups for Singles competition. V/C interferes and adds a team element

Neil spills coffee over Harry claiming it was the pillars fault, Harry’s fault or the dodgy shoulder’s fault just not his! VAR subsequently proved it was his fault.

On the course, a trolley takes off on the 2nd hole and plunges into the water. It’s Woody’s

First tee nerves get to Jay-Z who trips over the tee block the size of a hay bale

·      The Sandman visits 14 bunkers in his round – a gritty player.

·      Larry loses 5 balls, his normal annual total, and is distraught. Join the Club! 

·      Mitch wore some understated shorts and an outrageous glove. 

·      Winner of the Singles It’s Woody – yes, the amphibian had 42 pts including an (fish?) eagle, net one

·      Team Winners – Tarzipan, Larry, Woody and Santa by one from the real Best team

·      The Scouser generously bought the wine at the meal but noticeably no lime!

·      Harry gets soaked again, this time by wine; this time it is his fault

·      Captain Sensible tries hard to revive Woody’s phone until Woody eats the rice remedy!

Day 3 - Evening

·      A wallet, keys and a phone are left in the Clubhouse changing room, fortunately retrieved by Santa It’s Woody’s

·      The Sandman tries to rival Multi-colour Man’s crap dress sense

·      Larry recites the whole of “Life of Brian” verbatim

·      Chorus of the “Frog Song” serenades Woody

·      The Scouser (Captain) thanks everyone for their contribution, highlighting he hadn’t made one!

·      He also thanked Mark in his absence for the superb organisation of the tour

·      The Lawman (V/C) thanked the Captain for a great tour pointing out that he had contributed twice as many points (Still none!)

·      Unbelievably, Captain Sensible heads for home to play more golf tomorrow 

·      Someone engages Joe in a political discussion

·      Someone leaves an expensive jumper in the bar It’s Woody

Day 4 - Morning

 ·       Breakfast and home for our now weary tourists

·       Gusset makes it back without stopping - just!


 A big WELL DONE to our two health concerns, Pete and Neil. Not only did they survive the rigours of the Tour but they both won 2 matches!!!