Sussex v Wiltshire at Bognor Regis 2022

Saturday, 3 September 2022

Following on from our sound drubbing by the Kentishmen in Northern France, we were looking to exploit home advantage and make the Wiltshire Captains wilt. Unlike our previous foes, we didn’t make Wilts drive for days to reach a golf course, but, as gentlemen, we met them halfway at Bognor. Of course, the key question is will it be, as King George V said, “Bugger Bognor!”?

Match 1

Joe Angella (Captain) and Des Malcolm (Irrepressibly Happy) hosted Jim Donald (Captain) and Ian Lund (Town Planner). The game was close, Jim and Ian were good players in fine form, and both were getting shots. Des was happy, smiling and well stocked with balls, and Joe had a rare burst of form and played rather well. It was good fun, and we made Jim smile (No easy feat. Ed) until Joe nailed his birdie putt on 17. Sussex Won 3&1

Match 2

Ian “Harry” Potter (Vice-Captain) and Peter Snook took on Dick Solomon and Hemant Patel. What a start by Peter and Harry – 3 up after 6 (That’s my boys. Ed). Then Dick and Hemant started the comeback. Sussex were two up at the turn, then Harry fell apart, with Sussex going 1 down (Hey? What happened? Noooo. Ed). They managed to pull it back for a Half (Phew. Ed).

Match 3

Dave Sinden and Keith Talbot entertained Eric Lewis and Jeremy Bowers. After the first three holes, which resembled Rourke’s Drift (Don’t chuck those bloody spears at me. Ed?), we were still level. Then Keith birdied two holes to establish a lead. Eric and Jeremy were an excellent combination and started to eat into the lead. A very close contest ensued. Dave played the back nine exceptionally with chipping and putting that was sensational. Dave answered Wiltshire’s brilliant putt for a half and their great chip at the last, thereby ensuring the win. Sussex Won 2 Up. 

Match 4

Mitch Clark (Supersub) and Richard Jays were up against Robin Kingston and Richard Allen. Sussex’s driving was rubbish, but their recovery play was amazing. Ham and Egging with Hollandaise Sauce! Again, lovely company and lots of banter. Won 4&3.

Match 5

Pete Rodger and Kevin Heanen (The West Hove mafia) were against David McGrory and Andy Hatter. What a close match; luckily for us, Captain Hook (Dave) started to drive all over Sussex, and we finished with a half. Good company made this an enjoyable game. Half. 

Match 6

Richard Cowlard and Alan Butcher faced Ian Mitchell and Ian Armstrong. We had a great match, and there were 11 birdies in it. There was some impressive golf and a super atmosphere to play the golden game (? Ed). Lost 4&2 (I’m guessing it wasn’t Sussex that had the birdies. Ed)

Match 7

Nigel Land and Andy Plowright had a titanic battle against Stuart Knight and Richard Sealey. Oh Dear, Oh Dear, Oh Dear, which black cat did I kick? We deserved to lose, and we were soundly beaten. Humility and grace were never going to be the words carved on my gravestone, but as Oscar Wilde said, “A stuffing is a stuffing”. At least the weather was nice. Lost 6&5. 


Match 8

Alan Davey and Colin Prior were up against Andrew Hunter and Bob Drayton. As Alan says, “it was great company, and I include Colin in that”. The match was all square with birdies for halves; it had it all. Andrew and Bob were great fun to play with, Colin was superb, and Sussex Won 6&5. 

Match 9

Ron Adams and Brian Street faced Andy Roberts and John Hawley. In the famous words of Eddie Noyce, “A ‘kin 18 handicap, are you taking the p?” (Eddie was a wise man. Ed). The Wiltshire lads were very nice opponents, one of whom is playing on the LIV Tour and the other who was in a double act with Tommy Cooper. Half.

Match 10

Harvey Terry and Chris Adamson versus Alan Smith and John Charles. In a close game, Sussex went into an early three-hole lead but were pegged back to 1 Up. A net two on the 15th put Sussex dormy three. The greens were not kind to the Wiltshire lads who were good company, the weather was clement for the time of year, and it was an enjoyable course. All in all, a lovely day. Won 3&2

Result; Sussex 6 ½ - Wiltshire 3 ½ 

Bugger Bognor, indeed!

A resounding victory sees honour restored. As you can see from the comments, this was a thoroughly enjoyable day’s golf. The easy walking of Bognor was a big help. The greens were in good shape, the course was a pleasure to play, with some excellent scoring, and everyone enjoyed their game.

As for the food, the highlight was the steak pie; as you can see from the picture, this was a proper pie, with authentic pastry cooked in an oven. It was as tasty as it looks.

We want to thank everyone at Bognor for making us so welcome. David, the Assistant Manager, was kind enough to start us off, the catering staff could not have been friendlier or more helpful, and the setting was a delight.

Let’s hope we get back there again.

Next up, it’s Dale Hill, where we shall entertain the fools and horses from Essex, alright me ol’ china?

Joe Angella

Captain 2022